i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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