Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
