Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
