I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
