Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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