Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
