How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
