You smell like stripper and shame
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
