Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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