3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
