i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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