Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
