I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nutella sex= disaster
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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