conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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