Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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