the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
