You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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