I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
