he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
