Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
