Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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