I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
