Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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