Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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