Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
