Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just pynch a tree in the face
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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