I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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