508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
