ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
