Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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