Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
