Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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