D3 body, D1 cock
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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