you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
