SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
