Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
