i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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