guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
