rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
