Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
