if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
