I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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