Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
