I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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