her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
