Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
