Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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