it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
