plz talk dirty to me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
