You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
