My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
